my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
