I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
