Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
