I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
