WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
