he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
