Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
