Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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