Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
