Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
