This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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