Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
