You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
