I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
