Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
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