I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
