Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
