I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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