He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
