Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
