Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
