I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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