Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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