I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
it hurts more in the daytime
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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