Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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