Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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