I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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