Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
