I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
