Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
