just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
