First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
