Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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