glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
