It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
