I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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