Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
