I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
