Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
