I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Randomize
