What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
