why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
