did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
