I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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