I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i drank out of a bidet.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
