I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize