did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
