At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
