he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
