I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
