if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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