what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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