He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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