Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
