pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
