Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Are we still banned from the library?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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