just tell him i said nine months
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
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