were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
