why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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