Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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