Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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