I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
