they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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