I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
