winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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