I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
