Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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