my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
