Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's rum buckets o'clock
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
