6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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