Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
