How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
