You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
