Can i not drive my cunt home
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
