I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I accidentally burped into my bong.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize