I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You can't special order awesome
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
