Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
