I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
