don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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