We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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