I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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