fuck your aforementioned shoe
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize