you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
