one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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