can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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