So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
