When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
