So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
