Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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