we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
