No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
