I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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