remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
