he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
