Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
