OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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