I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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