im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
operation have a gay friend backfired
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
