Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
