She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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