My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
