I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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